I work with families all the time that have let troubled little sleepers go for months, even years without intervening. Recently, I asked a very tired mother why. Her answer was simple. She had been told that it’s a mother’s job to sacrifice for her child. Whether that is delaying her own meals, in making financial decisions, and even giving up sleep… Moms are supposed to go without. This answer completely broke my heart for her! This notion that a caretake doesn’t need care is old fashioned and scientifically unfounded.
I invited this poor mother and her parenting partners to a little pow wow, where we discussed why self-care and a support system are so important when raising young children. The main idea being: When we are broken, we are not able to give our best to our family. Let’s be real, very few things break us down as quickly or completely as consistent sleep deprivation.
I want to share with you what I shared with that family. Sleep is not a luxury, it’s not a negotiable commodity. Sleep is a biological imperative! Let’s look at some of the symptoms of consistent poor sleep in young children:
- Moodiness
- Tantrums
- Over-emotional responses
- Hyperactivity
- Difficulty with change
- Aggressiveness
- Short attention span
- Developmental delays
- Fewer coping skills
- Feeding/Eating problems
- Impaired ability to learn
Many parents will look at this list and only see a few of these symptoms and say it’s just the child’s personality, or it’s not that bad (yet…) or even determine that they will give more of their own time and attention to soothing their child to get to sleep and stay asleep. For those well meaning folks, here are some common symptoms when Moms and Dads aren’t getting consistent quality sleep:
- Slowed thinking
- Slowed reaction time
- Frequent mood changes
- Impaired immunity
- Poor balance
- High blood pressure
- Anxiety
- Weight gain
- Memory issues
- Decreased sex drive
- Impulsive behavior
- Lower patience
- Limited coping skills
- Changes in appearance
- Lowered self esteem
- Depression
These symptoms do not represent a state of being that parents are “supposed” to feel long term. By 4-5 months of age, a baby is biologically capable of consistent and consolidated sleep. They just need to learn how. I worked with a mom who admitted being so tired she fell down the stairs with her baby in her arms. (Sadly, this is not an uncommon story) Thank goodness they were both ok, but she said she’d been sleeping with this 8 month old baby for several months to keep him calm, but was awake most of the night with his movements and wakings for comfort. I worked with a family where Mom was so depressed because she’d left her own bed to sleep with her 5 year old… for the past 4 years, because the child wouldn’t sleep without her. She missed her husband and her evenings and saw no end. How are these “sacrifices” in the best interest of these children, or those mothers? They’re just not!
Studies have shown people with chronic sleep deprivation are 15 times more likely to get in a car accident. They also show that a consistently tired person is 70% more likely to have an accident in the home or at work. Further studies show that people who are sleep deprived have a least 2 times higher risk of developing depression.
Quality sleep, meaning the right amount of time with the fewest amount of wakings, is essential for everyone – children AND parents!
If you are ready to make this important resolution to get your family sleeping more and sacrificing less, I’m here to help! Contact me today.